My promise to myself for this module was not let myself procrastinate till the point i was stressing about work. Well I've already broken that promise. Only about 3 weeks in and I already feel like I'm flagging. I don't even know why. I mean I really enjoy my course and I think our briefs have been interesting, but I think that might be part of the problem. I look at the sheet of paper with my assignments for the coming months on it the same way I would look at a death sentence. I put too much pressure on myself to succeed. It's something my teachers have said to me since I was about 13, and so many times that pressure has resulted in me cracking. I think the procrastination was almost like an avoidance technique, almost as if I ignored the work in front of me it would just go away and take the pressure with it.
But the promise to change was much like a New Years resolution, to dramatic, too much of an ambitious to change for it to succeed. So here's the new one. Small steps starting with taking a break from uni for a bit. I've got a trip home planned for the weekend and I think it's what I need more than anything right now. Just to spend some time with my family, have a bit of a breather and chill before I start again. And by start again I don't mean throw myself into it, that clearly hasn't worked in the past and I doubt it's about to start working now, but just start gently, with the biggest aim being to keep the pressure off.
And whether someone reads this or not, it's been therapeutic writing it, just to get the fuzziness of feelings that were in my head onto something physical, just to clear some space and give me a fresh perspective and a plan, and this time I want it to be a plan I stick to.
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